A gift is only a gift if the receiver says “Yes” - or, preferably, “Hell, yes!”
In order for a gift or other advances to be good for all concerned, the receiver must be able to say “Yes, I want to receive it” or “No thanks, I don’t want it.”
If someone is unable to say YES, then don’t gift them the experience.
If they say NO, here’s how to accept it gracefully:
• No problem!
• That’s not a clear ‘yes’, so I’ll accept that as a ‘no.’
• Sounds good. Do you want me to ask again later?
• Thanks for being clear.
• I appreciate you taking care of yourself.
• I still like/love you.
• I’m glad I know what your boundary is.
Accepting a NO doesn’t mean you have to agree with it or feel happy about it - it just means you behave respectfully anyway.
Practice consent all the time – not just when it’s about sex.
It’s not consensual if a person has been coerced, threatened, pestered, confused, forced, lied to, or restrained to get a ‘yes.’ Getting them intoxicated is also not consensual – and if someone is intoxicated they have not waived their consent, and if you’re intoxicated you haven’t waived your responsibility to get consent. It’s also not consenting if a person is too sleepy or actually unconscious, silent, scared or intimidated, ill, lost or confused - or too young. The legal age of consent in SA is16 – and if you’re under 18, you have your own laws, and should find out about them HERE.
Affirmative consent is a knowing, voluntary and mutual decision among all participants involved.
Nudity, skimpy clothing, or raunchy behaviour is not an invitation to have sex or any form of intimate physical contact. The only invitation is a clearly spoken invitation. Ignoring someone’s inability to consent not only contradicts the spirit of our AfrikaBurn community completely, but is a crime.
Simply put: yes means yes, no means no, maybe means no and silence means no.
The standard for consent in our community is an enthusiastic “Hell, YES!!” ...and if you don’t get one, then you are responsible to refrain from gifting.
For a really good explanation of how consent works, CHECK OUT THIS GREAT VIDEO.
Article: Is Consent Culture Burner Culture?
Planning to gift drinks or food?
If your gift contains alcohol or any other intoxicant, know this: the responsibility for those who you gift to lies with you.
If anyone looks under age, ask for identification. Every person entering the event will be issued with a wristband, and those under 18 will have a specific colour.
Giving people drinks or food that contain anything they’re not aware of, is not consensual - don’t do it.