Affirmative consent is a knowing, voluntary and mutual decision among all participants involved.
Nudity, skimpy clothing, or raunchy behaviour is not an invitation to have sex or any form of intimate physical contact. The only invitation is a clearly spoken invitation. Ignoring someone’s inability to consent not only contradicts the spirit of our AfrikaBurn community completely, but is a crime.
Simply put: yes means yes, no means no, maybe means no and silence means no.
The standard for consent in our community is an enthusiastic “Hell, YES!!” ...and if you don’t get one, then it is your responsibility to accept the no.
If you receive a NO, here’s how to accept it gracefully:
• No problem!
• That’s not a clear ‘yes’, so I’ll accept that as a ‘no.’
• Sounds good. Do you want me to ask again later?
• Thanks for being clear.
• I appreciate you taking care of yourself.
• I still like/love you.
• I’m glad I know what your boundary is.
Accepting a NO doesn’t mean you have to agree with it or feel happy about it - it just means you behave respectfully anyway.
Enthusiastic Consent applies to more than just sexual encounters.
- Touch: Just because you hugged someone yesterday doesn’t mean you can surprise them with a hug today. “Surprise contact” isn’t always wanted, even if it’s affectionate.
- Kink: Consent for one thing isn’t consent for another. If I said you can spank me, that doesn’t give you permission to grope me.
- Sex: Consent can be revoked once it’s been given.
- Gifts: Disclose what is in your gifts, even if it’s just essential oils. Some people have sensitivities
- Foods: Disclose the ingredients, one person’s innocuous ingredient can be someone else’s allergy.
- Photography: Ask before taking pictures. Remember consent to take a picture is NOT consent to post it on your blog.
It’s not consensual if a person has been coerced, threatened, pestered, confused, forced, lied to, or restrained to get a ‘yes.’ Getting them intoxicated is also not consensual – and if someone is intoxicated they have not waived their consent, and if you’re intoxicated you haven’t waived your responsibility to get consent. It’s also not consenting if a person is too sleepy or actually unconscious, silent, scared or intimidated, ill, lost or confused - or too young. The legal age of consent in SA is16 – and if you’re under 18, you have your own laws, and should find out about them HERE.
For a really good explanation of how consent works, CHECK OUT THIS GREAT VIDEO.
Article: Is Consent Culture Burner Culture?
GIFTING & CONSENT
In order for a gift or other advances to be good for all concerned, the receiver must be able to say “Yes, I want to receive it” or “No thanks, I don’t want it.”
If someone is unable to say YES, then don’t gift them the experience. A gift is only a gift if the receiver says “Yes” - or, preferably, “Hell, yes!”
Planning to gift drinks or food?
- Be open about the ingredients - people are allergic to the darndest things and the last thing you want is someone suddenly going into anaphylaxis because you forgot to tell them that there was peanut butter in your cookie.
- If your gift contains alcohol or any other intoxicant, know this: the responsibility for those who you gift to lies with you. If anyone looks under age, ask for identification. Every person entering the event will be issued with a wristband, and those under 18 will have a specific colour.
- Giving people drinks or food that contain any intoxicants without their informed consent is SPIKING. Don’t do it.